Active word devotional 7 Nov

The natural tree is truly a picture of the spiritual man. Our fruitfulness depends upon our being rooted in the Word.

Lord, help us in every possible way to be people who are permanently planted in your Scriptures, which is where we belong.

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Psalm 1:1 NKJV

Psalm 1  Blessed  is  the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
......

What does this passage reveal to me about God?

It is important for us as believers to surround ourselves with godly people who help us to walk and not stumble...

What does this passage reveal to me about myself?

Sometimes I'm not very good about choosing  thoughts and activities that are godly... Sometimes I tend to be very scornful of myself and my children.... And others...

Based on this, what changes do I need to make?

I need to work on walking in the counsel of the godly... And surrounding myself with people who will hold me accountable.... And not let me make excuses...

What is my prayer for today?

I pray that God will lead those people to me and help me recognize them... I pray that God will help me to not be so scornful...and help me to walk with godly counsel...

Book

I finished Parenting Without Power Struggles: Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids While Staying Cool, Calm and Connected by Stiffelman, Susan; Mylis, Kimberly A on Kindle

This is a really good book for anyone having power struggles with their children. It helps to remind us why remaining cool while the kids are getting out of hand helps us to remain captain of the ship... She offers helpful advice and conversations so you can see how different situations might play out. At the end of every chapter she answers questions she has received from real parents.

She talks about the six stages of attachment and how lacking in any area can make it more difficult to connect to your kids and that it's easier to get desired behaviors when your connected to your kids... She use concrete examples of how to connect even if you don't have anything in common...

I feel like this book was easy to read. She writes in a style that feels like you are listening to her speak and the examples are easy to follow... She gives good advice...

My dream

My dream last night... I wrote this to the friend who appeared in the dream but I don't care to share who that was... So whenever you see "you" or "we" that's what I mean.... 

I dreamed that we went out of town to go see this person speak... I think at a church... We received a special invite... We had never seen or heard them... There was no stuff on you tube but we decided to go because we were already going to be there for something... Camping or hiking... I'm not sure why we were going to be there... But we were invited to go early and talk to this person before they spoke... We didn't know anything about them but you were like... They are associated with this and that and the other and started naming people and associations that I can't remember and didn't understand at that time but you were like they're probably cool and if not we get free food so we should go...

And it was weird to me that we both got an unsolicited invitation and I didn't have any association with any of the people or associations you were naming

So we show up at this house where we are supposed to meet this person.... And it's a little girl like nine or so... Very tiny and elf like she had golden hair pulled back with a head band that reached to her knees it was like a silk blanket.... She had the darkest most intense green eyes you've ever seen.... She just had on blue jeans and a purple shirt but she was so.... I don't know she seemed royal or majestical like more solid than normal people... So we get there and she has this golden retriever that she is playing with and we play for a while and she says come on in it's time for dinner...

From the way the invitation read we thought that there was going to be a lot of people but it was just the three of us you me and her... So we go in and sit at the table I don't remember what was there except it was a lot of food and it was sturdy....meat potato and vegi.... It was good... And we just sat with this kid and ate... We were talking about food and dogs and school... Like normal things you would talk to a little kid about... So just when we start thinking I wonder what this is all about she gets up and goes to the kitchen and starts getting something... Presumably desert...

And you started signing to me and asked if I was feeling weird and I was like a little I'm just confused... And she comes back in still talking like about the same stuff but she has this giant cake... And then she looked just at you and talked for a while and I was absorbed in the cake and didn't hear her...

Then she turned to me and started talking and it was like I was the only person in time listening to her... The only person who could hear her and she said "You are intoxicated with fear... You are allowing it to separate you from the power you are connected to... You don't understand how powerful you are already and how powerful you could be if you stopped being drunk all the time"

And then we were getting ready to go because we had to get to where we were going and we got out to the car and I realized I forgot something.... So we went back in to get it and the house was old and moldy and dusty... Shut up like there hadn't been anyone in it for decades.... Then I woke up because the alarm went off

failing once does not make you a failure

I have these little connections of thoughts that sometimes ramble around quite like a train through the country side... the thoughts just go and go and twist and turn and like a train going through the small towns along its route one thought leads to another in a seemingly unconnected way... 

Some of the time these thoughts start out very depressingly in a deep dark and dank valley  and work their way up the mountain to a glorious peak with a panoramic view that makes me feel good about my day and want to share the journey... like when you go somewhere that is so wonderful you just have to facebook and twitter and text and all all your friends and you can't stop thinking about it for days and days...   (sometimes they are just grocery lists of randomness... ok most of the time they are very random... I prefer the ones with the view ;) LOL)

so this morning I don't even know what started this train ride... some how I had the thought that I had failed at something... the next few stops on the trip were to think that I *am* a failure (because when you do something once or twice it intrinsically becomes part of your character right?) and highlight all of the ways that I am indeed a failure... and not just a minor failure... a giant sized monster of a failure who will never be able to amount to anything whatsoever... (in my head this is said in a James Earl Jones kind of voice WHATS SO EVER drawn out booming and echoing!) and this trip highlighted all my failures in every area.... the fight with Caitlynn this morning (bad mother).... the fight between Cait and Jeff this morning (again failure as a mother)... the joblessness (bad provider bad person bad nurse)... the lack of follow through when God directed me (bad human bad person bad child of God bad faithless badbadbad).... not having a loving positive father figure in my kids life (again bad mom)... the train just kept on going... farther into the depths of that valley... 

then God spoke to my heart and reminded me "failing once does not make you a failure" ... He reminded me 

For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again. [Proverbs 24:16]

I take this to mean that I *will* fail... at times in my life there are things that I will not succeed... the failure is in how I let those things affect my future choices.... 

Then God was so awesome to remind me of my successes.... my fighting with the kids is now a rare thing (improving mom)... fighting between the kids is improving in both intensity and frequency... they don't fight as often or as badly (improving kids.... also I was reminded that my kids fighting with themselves isn't an indication of my worth as a mother).... I am jobless for a season because God has a plan for me to work on and I am jobless because of corporate crap not because of problems with my integrity or ethics or ability to work (good nurse, compassionate nurse, great employee)... the lack of follow through is something I am turning around... I didn't follow through for a while I am doing it now... and I am improving.... the lack of a positive father figure in my kids life.... THEY HAVE JESUS!!!!! how much more of a positive role model can I give them? their father made his own choices and those choices do not indicate my worth as a mother or human being?!?!?!?!

every negative thought He helped me see the positive... I have been trying... over the past few years... anyone who knew me years ago knows that I have not always been the most positive person... I have always jumped to conclusions about other people... I have gotten to the point where 90% of the time I think the best... I am able to look behind the actions to the motivation behind the actions and I mainly see positive motivation... in others... 

I am working in seeing the positive in myself.... 

I am trying to remember that failing once does not make  me a failure... it makes me have to lean on Jesus... is that such a bad thing?? the failure is failing to get up when you fail... 

today is the day.... I am using it to think positively about myself :D

prayer request

so it has been a while since I blogged... I want to get back into it... I had been using the note section at facebook to write blog type notes... so I guess I will come back here and try this....

Anyways I have a prayer request.... but before I type it out I want to give you a little back story because I believe in praying for exactly what I need.... some of the details are not yet public so I would prefer that if you know details I didn't type about... you not mention them in the comments or anything please... I don't want all the details to be public yet :)

So it all starts back at the beginning of june...  I felt that the Lord was leading me to quit my job... I wasn't happy and was afraid I was going to be fired... and I felt that God was telling me to go somewhere else... I wasn't sure though because He had arranged for me to have gotten that promotion in the first place... so it felt kind of weird that He was leading me to leave king's daughters all together...

so 12 June we had guest speakers at church... after the music and before the guest I go up and pray with the alter ministers and pray "for confirmation that I am hearing God's will and not my own heart"... the speakers spoke... it was awesome... the message was about how God can cause change and other stuff... (and of course right in this moment I cant find my notes) and afterward I went up to the speaker at her table and asked if I could hug her.... she whispered in my ear "God just told me that this is your confirmation, you are hearing His will and not your heart"

so of course immediately I started looking for a new job... I didn't quit my job like God said because my flesh said that would be stupid.... I didn't trust that God would provide if I quit my job.... well I did.... I just wanted to tell Him how *I* felt He should provide.... like if He wanted me to be somewhere else He could provide me a job.... know what I mean?

the same day that the guest speakers were there I was meeting with a friend... and a plan came to my mind.. this plan was awesome and fabulous and wonderful and we started to set it into motion... then things got crazy at work.... then I ended up being fired.... then the kids weren't in school... then there was craziness of going back to school..... just one thing after another...

and I let the business of life get in the way and I stopped working on the plan.... it kinda fizzled.... the kids asked me about the plan.... and a friend randomly here or there would ask me about the plan... I totally forgot the wonder of receiving such exact confirmation...

I still believed that God would provide for me in my joblessness... and the ways that He has are beyond describing... the way that things have fallen into place is nothing short of miraculous.... I KNOW that God will provide for me... I know and I trust and I believe and I have faith...

but I let the world get between the words God spoke into my heart and my head....

the other day I was reminded of this and it hit me like a ton of bricks... I felt like an unfaithful, untrustworthy, disobedient failure...

so I went to God... and I didn't know where to start... so He says "you could start with sorry"... so I did... I love it that God told me it was all right... I was forgiven... it was ok...


so.... HERE is the prayer request....
1) that I can find good advisers to help me with the plan
2) that I can find grants to help implement the plan
3) that I can get enough work done on the plan before unemployement runs out so that I can start receiving income from the plan...
4) that I have the faith to trust God with this plan
5) that I have the strength to follow through with the plan
6) that I have the peace of mind to not worry about the plan...

just found my blog!

wow.... I just remembered that I have a blog out there?!

interesting that I could have forgotten...

I can start blogging again soon....

but like I like to say today is the day why wait until tomorrow...

I am going to see if there is an app to do this through my phone because that would totally rock!!

new button

you may have noticed a new button on the side promoting www.feelyourboobies.com

here are a few words from their site ""Many young women tune out messages about breast cancer because they don’t believe they are at risk. Here at Boobies Central, we know that research shows that simply “feeling your boobies” (aka “breast awareness) is just as effective at identifying lumps or other breast changes as the traditional step-by-step process of “breast self-exams”. And that’s exactly why we’re here -- to give you “a friendly reminder when you least expect it”. So get feeling girls, and remind a friend to do the same.""

so here is my reminder... go to the website... get yourself a button... tell a friend... but most of all feel your boobies!!! (or have your husband do it? LOL)

Sunday weigh in

well.... I have my official weigh in on sundays :)

I am down to 323.... down 4#.... my average fasting blood sugar this week is 140... not so good :(

I only worked out 3 days this week and yesterday we went to Sherando Lake and I WAYYYY over did it and got dehydrated.... so today I was down... I was down HARD.... so drinking the water is my priority and will start the working out again tomorrow...

I don't have my date book with me to count my gold stars but I know that I have been at least 80% of the days to the treadmill to work out since I restarted on the 9th and it is getting easier....

so I will post tomorrow (or the next day) with an update of exactly how much I have worked out.... and I want to get measurements sometime soon :D

today is the day for new beginnings!!!